Buffy, an average gal
by PascalNo2
Summary: What follows is a post apcoplyse chronicle of Buffy Summers as she struggles to adjust herself to civilian life, including getting a proper job. Yes, I know that my summary bites, but oh well. Btw, I hope to write more later.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not presume to have any rights to the characters of BTvS and this story is in no manner affliated or endorsed by the show's owners.

Also, this is the first work of fiction I have created in many a day so please respond with constructive critiques suggesting whether I should continue past the first chapter or instead abandon my notions of what passes for humor.

**Chapter One**

The sunlight slowly creeped in through the window as Buffy Summers peacefully sleeped, the saliva dripping from her mouth creating a slightly damp pillow. When the light finally rested upon her face, Buffy opened one eye and reminded herself that she was now only one of many chosen, special but no longer unique.

But what exactly was it that she was chosen for? After her elite gang had foiled the nefarious scheme of yet another villian to destroy the world, after she had once again preserved mankind's hopes for mom's apple pie and baseball, it seemed that there was little left for her to do.

Buffy decided that after seven years of combat, the other freshly minted slayers could do as she had done for what had seemed an eternity; no longer would life and limb be risked for no compensation-no income check, no medical insurance to get her nose fixed. Buffy Summers was quite weary of the tireless sacrifices that defined a noble hero. Today would be the day that she would seek a normal life.

As Buffy mulled over the thought, she wondered what her friends would think of the sudden transition. Now living in a modest Cleveland apartment, she picked up the phone and called her old mentor who had moved to Bristol following the victory of the preceding month.

"Giles, I'm running out of cash, what with the overpriced rent and the cost of Dawn's anger management therapy. I'm thinking about getting a full-time job, you know."

"Buffy, we've been over this a thousand times before. You have a sacred birthright to protect the innocent from the forces of darkness and all that other good stuff. You're the best at what you do, after all no one else knows how to baffle and disgust demons with lame puns quite like you. Do you really want to give all that up?"

Hardly surprised by his response, Buffy was ready with an answer."Remember Giles when your job was basically a girl watcher? Well you got paid for it."

Buffy decided to press her advantage and teasingly prodded him further, "Also, at the same time you got paid for being a libarian. All you had to do was make love to your precious books and you even got money for it. Oh, don't you dare deny it. . . you enjoyed being a book hooker!"

Giles disregarded Buffy's bluntness and calmly replied, " So basically you want to let the world end just so you can have a bank account. Believe me, they are heavily overrated, all I had to do was give Anya my funds and just like with a bank, they magically disappeared."

"You don't seem to understand what it means to be like crazy poor. All that time I was doing all the real work and basically making you look good but what did I get outta the deal, huh? Not a fricking dime, man; no instead I end up dying like every other year! All of this and did I ever once complain?"

Not having the heart to answer her last question truthfully, Gilles instead resigned himself to accepting that Buffy wished to abandon her duties and enjoy her hard earned retirement. He sighed, "Do as you will, but I was so looking forward to having a teacher to mold and shape these new slayers into fierce warriors such as yourself."

"Just out of curoisity did you intend to pay me for my services, Buffy asked?" Not letting on that he was being completely serious, Giles answered, "Buffy you know the drill. You're my willing slave who is perfectly content to do exactly as I tell you without any regard for such trivial matter such as finances."

"That's what I thought," Buffy said to herself as she hung up the phone and walked down the street to the temp agency hoping that her old friend Andrew who worked there could hook her up with a decent job, one that actually paid.


	2. Buffy gets a job

**Chapter Two**

Authors Note: Any jokes made in this story are in good fun, and I consider all legal occupations to be honorable.

Buffy anxiously entered the office wondering if it would even be possible to make a clean break from her slayer past, for after all she had been down this dead-end road before. Sadly she reminded herself that anytime she had even fantasized about being a normal girl she was ripped back to reality with yet another reminder of impending doom. But it was going to be different this time.

"Good morning, Buffy Summers. As you already know my name is Andrew and I will be your career counselor, which basically means that I will determine your job placement and ultimately your success in the labor market. So let me remind you in advance to be sure you do a lot of sucking up." After an involuntary sigh and goofy smile, Andrew smirked in his usual nasal tone "Wow, power trips really are fun!"

Furious and barely able to contain her temper, Buffy could not believe how this little weasal was finally getting his revenge. It was barely yesterday when she was in charge and smacking him around but now, through some sick twist of fate, the tables have turned; it was almost ironic how now Buffy depended upon Andrew for her well-being.

Wisely, she bit her tongue and thought to herself, "Well as long as he doesn't start spewing that crap about how 'The student has now become the master' I'll be straight."

"Alright Buffy, are you prepared? It's an evil place out there and it only gets a whole lot worse in the light of day. If so then let us begin."

After Buffy had answered the usual questions, with more embarassment than originally planned, Andrew had formed his recommendation but first decided to go over Buffy's few advantages and moany disadvantages with her.

"Let me see here. In addition to being a slayer, you've had two jobs; yet for some reason it shows that you have been fired from two jobs as well. . .That is not a very good figure, Buffy Summers. Also, I happen to know that you are prone to violent outbursts and don't even get me started on your attitude towards academics, heck you blew up every school you attended!"

After thinking for a second Andrew concluded "Given this criteria and your other abilities perhaps the best place for you to start your career and someday eventually retire from is McDonald's."

Buffy reminded him that she had already done fast food and was ready to move onto something a little more professional.

"Aww, poor Buffy that is so sweet and naive of you to think that, but unfortunately you could not even handle Doublemeat Palace. Given your 'special' needs, I think it's better for you to take a step back doing tasks that are even more simple. Believe me this job is more fitting for you, and, as a bonus, the overwhelming porportion of idiots who work there will make you look good by comparsion. After all you can at least read, most of your coworkers won't even be able to do that."

After thinking about the opportunities for advancement, Buffy decided that Andrew had reverted to being evil in his own sick little way and that this was really some cruel prank. "Nah, I think my my grease monkey days are over, 'cause Dawn was getting kinda fat on all that stuff I was feeding her. Do you have something else up my alley?"

"Well let me see here; perhaps I could work in your Slayer strengths. You're acrobatic and oh so flexible. You also seem to like to do alot of shouting or yelling. Hmm, you always liked to wear hot leather pants and were almost always getting groped by creatures way bigger than yourself. And the best part is that you were notorious for ummm 'getting around'. I have just the job for you: a cheerleader for the Cleaveland Browns football team!"

With false enthuiasm and more than just a hint of sarcasm Buffy proclaimed, "Oh boy, just what I always wanted! To be a gold digger for guys who make way, way too much money!"

To herself she thought "That would be a great job for Faith. It's a shame that she's a 'dancer' in Las Vegas. Come to think of it, she would probably consider this line of work to be exactly what volunteer work is all about."

Now Andrew was getting a little frustrated at Buffy's apparent disrespect for his authority and decided to give her one last choice. "Alright Buffy, because you're my dearest friend who is still alive, I've saved the best for last. With your overwhelming speed, power, and dexterity you would be an excellant canidate for Wal-Mart stock clerk. Best of all this is a night position so you won't be tempted to go patrolling the graveyards."

This did seem like a good package combining independence, decent pay, and no demons to contend with so Buffy without hesitation agreed to start working that very evening.

"Oh and Buffy, there is a little surprise waiting for you there. Yes, I know I'm a sucker for building suspense but there isn't anything you can do about it, for after all I am the one and only Andrew."

Now content that she was finally walking on the road to mediocrity, Buffy went home that afternoon with a calm that she has not felt in her entire career as a slayer. Stll she was slightly disturbed that the story of her life was lacking direction and that its pages were being filled with random thoughts such as these. Definite changes were in the air.


End file.
